I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
