i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fuck me I smell like cheese