Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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