I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk