Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Because you touch yourself at night.

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  (480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working? (325): Because you touch yourself at night. http://tfl.nu/lm5u
  Replies (14) Good night (3340) Bad night (1044)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

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  (586): My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis. http://tfl.nu/m0vb
  Replies (20) Good night (1265) Bad night (4511)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.

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  (252): i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too. http://tfl.nu/myt5
  Replies (55) Good night (6183) Bad night (925)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

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  (314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f
  Replies (39) Good night (8463) Bad night (1012)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

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  (204): He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina. http://tfl.nu/1ygc
  Replies (30) Good night (5917) Bad night (1942)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution

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  (513): i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution http://tfl.nu/2azu
  Replies (3) Good night (1225) Bad night (698)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?

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  (202): Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry? http://tfl.nu/phvz
  Replies (1) Good night (1538) Bad night (468)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work

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  (850): apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work http://tfl.nu/utr1
  Replies (10) Good night (1157) Bad night (721)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.

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  (314): Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back. http://tfl.nu/xqdn
  Replies (4) Good night (1257) Bad night (453)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night

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  (231): Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night http://tfl.nu/x115
  Replies (5) Good night (1048) Bad night (490)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy

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  (413): I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy http://tfl.nu/pee7
  Replies (2) Good night (738) Bad night (386)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.

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  (406): Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around. http://tfl.nu/38zv
  Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...

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  (603): I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly... http://tfl.nu/93wn
  Replies (0) Good night (1277) Bad night (333)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.

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  (+44): There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok. http://tfl.nu/5g3s
  Replies (0) Good night (386) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.

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  (323): IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME. http://tfl.nu/tf8f
  Replies (4) Good night (634) Bad night (295)

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