Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.

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  (301): saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark. http://tfl.nu/xqm1
  Replies (8) Good night (706) Bad night (4443)
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  (661): View more from California

  Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.

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  (661): Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it. http://tfl.nu/dbb6
  Replies (18) Good night (1356) Bad night (3767)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

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  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2417) Bad night (5132)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

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  (703): Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/fx2a
  Replies (4) Good night (3006) Bad night (1964)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!

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  (719): Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?! http://tfl.nu/aect
  Replies (111) Good night (1972) Bad night (8113)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking

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  (804): I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/lx04
  Replies (18) Good night (4634) Bad night (1526)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...

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  (215): It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away... http://tfl.nu/zf28
  Replies (10) Good night (3212) Bad night (1055)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.

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  (313): Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes. http://tfl.nu/gyak
  Replies (8) Good night (3791) Bad night (1722)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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  (409): The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens. http://tfl.nu/kai5
  Replies (44) Good night (3869) Bad night (1123)
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  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

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  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2373) Bad night (730)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.

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  (616): I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine. http://tfl.nu/siu7
  Replies (2) Good night (1256) Bad night (577)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.

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  (860): Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better. http://tfl.nu/zwl1
  Replies (4) Good night (1428) Bad night (426)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious

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  (518): Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious http://tfl.nu/hriw
  Replies (1) Good night (633) Bad night (394)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.

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  (614): A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away. http://tfl.nu/tggc
  Replies (5) Good night (265) Bad night (456)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night

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  (+44): Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night http://tfl.nu/kcti
  Replies (1) Good night (381) Bad night (193)

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