How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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