final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
