My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me