people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
