I'm lost and stupid without you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
