fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
