Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
