did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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