The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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