If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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