if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
