Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
