You can't motorboat a personality
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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