So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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