connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
