No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
