I seem to have left my pride at pride
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
