So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
