So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
