bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
