it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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