Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
