I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
someone owes me an orgasm
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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