things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I've blown a few things in my day
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
