Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
