I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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