Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
