You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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