im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
