Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
