I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
