so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
