Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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