I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
