This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
