Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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