they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
