Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
