either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
