mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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