i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
