Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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