Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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