the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
