she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
