i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
