I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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