; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
