Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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