he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
