Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
