I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it glows. i had to have it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
