It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
