she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
