and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
