u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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