Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
