Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
