he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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