Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
