I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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