Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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