I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
