thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will pee on everything he values.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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