His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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