So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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