i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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