i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
